lliampayne: do you ever sit with your friends and realize you’re the beyonce
sluttyoliveoil: once my friend was waiting for her mom to pick her up and she called her mom and her mom said “im on my way, the traffic is just slow, im coming” and my friend went “mom i called the house phone”
15hypens: in 7th grade we had this german teacher who immigrated to america from Germany about 23 years ago and one guy in my class thought it would be funny to ask him “Hey, because you’re german does that make you a Nazi?” and in a very thick german accent he replies “Hey, because you’re a white american boy, does that make you a slaveholder?” and the kid never tried to be funny in that class...
If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness.– A phrase that was carved on the walls of a concentration camp cell during WWII by a Jewish prisoner. (via foie)
dalestuckies: i hate seeing people my age who’ve got their life together already like what the fuck
im—really—weird: katorade27: if you want to kill someone stab them with an icicle because the icicle will melt and then there will be no murder weapon you are the future
saltandvinegarcrisps: i have an essay about uganda due tomorrow and this is all i have so far
jpkitty: In college, we don’t say “I love you”, we say “I have 5 essays, two finals, and 3 group projects due in the next 8 days” which translates to “I would like to be crushed by a train” and I think that’s pretty cool.
the-vashta-nerada: when my older sister was in high school they had a really strict policy against note passing and if they caught a note they’d read it in front of class so my sister and her friends all learned tolkien elvish so if a teacher ever found their notes they wouldn’t be able to read it
msjewbooty: you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. get back on the right track. fix up your life. mend your personal issues. call your mom once a day. tell someone you love them. eat healthy. live life to the fullest. that’s what it’s all about.
cj-twig: i want kids but i dont wanna be pregnant or give birth but i dont wanna adopt either because i want them to be mine do you see my problem basically you want to be a father
notmy-divisi0n: captainamerica-in-middle-earth: cas-get-into-my-ass: danisnotafaggot: frazerburnslemons: tinychatter: imagine reading a book of all the lies you’ve told It would be impossible. Its a paradox. The book would be part of you and if you were reading it then it would be open. And if you were an open book then you wouldn’t have lies to tell and therefore the book would be...
The Girl and Her Books: Lemony Snicket has the... →
“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.” “Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.” …